Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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