I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
