Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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