Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
