fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
