Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
