Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
