You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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