Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
