Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
