Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
