so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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