I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
