so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
