meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
