end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
