he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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