The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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