I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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