:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
