He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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