Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
