This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
