THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
