Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
