what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize