My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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