I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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