sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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