It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
