On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
