When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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