what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
