I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
