puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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