There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
