my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
