Don't make out with my wife yet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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