id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
