He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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