He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
