So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
