the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
