3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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