She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
