I think I am morally bankrupt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
