It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
