It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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