My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
