I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
