my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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