I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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